A need to blogg about nostalgia...

I often find myself talking to inanimate objects.
I especailly talk to my car.
My ghetto car.
So many things have happened in that car.
It was litterally the first car i EVER DROVE.
I learned everything in that car.
It helped me through times of pain.
And i believed it could live longer each time
Something broke on it.
My dad bought the car, a dodge neon with a
Chrysler key ;)
When i was in jr. high for my sister to drive.
It is sporty and looks cool, but she didn't like it,
So my sister and dad traded cars.
She began driving his car, and he, the ghetto car.
Who, at the time, was not ghetto.
Sure, it didn't go 'fast' but it is a little car.
My dad drove it for a while and it was pretty good
For him, he didn't have many troubles.
Then, i took drivers education, and eventually
Got my lisence! :)
My dad let me have the neon.
The car....the car....MY CAR.
I had a CAR!
The first time i ever drove it alone,
The first time i ever DROVE alone,
Was in the summer on the way to Muniband practice. ^.^
Over the summer the car and i bonded quickly.
Sometimes i would push it, but in the end,
We were happy with eachother.
It didn't do anything amazingly,
But i loved it.
Near the end of summer, the car starts to
Make noises, GRINDING noises when i braked.
Only then it make the noise anytime i was
Under the speed of 15 mph. slowing down or speeding up.
Apparently, my brakes were UTTERLY shot, so i got new ones.
Then, my car door started to act up.
It, being a two door car, really needed 2 working doors.
The passenger side door stopped working for a while,
And basically at one point the outside part of the door
And the inside part of the door were nearly disconected.
Everytime someone ripped open the door from outside
It would tear even more.
People didn't know, but it pained me to see it hurt.
People were careless sometimes.
We have now finally fixed the door issue. :)
The car this winter began to have to engine issues.
The car starts really hard, sometimes i have to turn and
Hold for two or three seconds while it luggs itself to life.
But i love it.
My car makes it so my uncle, a mechanic, sees me a lot. :P
Then, my car's temperature gague decided to start spiking.
"Carolyn, it's really hot in here! ding ding ding!" It would say.
"No, car, it's not! You're just broken!" i would say.
Come to find out, it is nothing, it spikes for no reason.
It still does this.
Along with this. my check engine light has been on for months.
At least 3. Hahaha.
And did i mention my car barely goes above 65 on a GOOD DAY?
My mom won't let me even drive to JANSEVILLE with it anymore.
55 is pushing it a lot.
I've locked myself out of it TWICE.
But once my friend and i broke into it. ;)
The drivers side window doesn't roll up all the way,
So sometimes when it rains, i sit in water.
And one day, the gas tube that connects to tank to the
Outside of the car, fell off.
So i couldn't put gas in it for a while. :P

My car has had it's ups and downs.
But, it's seen my through EVERYTHING.
My car kept me safe while i BALLED MY EYES OUT
Driving to set construction one day.
It was the first car i fishtailed in.
Or ate a parking line with.
Or ate a curb with. >.<
It's listend as i told it everything.
I love it.
I'm the only one who believes in it.
I KNOW it makes it to Janesville,
But my mom won't let me take it there.
It is a good car.
So many more things than these have
Gone wrong with my car, but i love it.
It is the best car in the world to me.
I love it because it is ghetto.
Because, though it shakes when i go over 60,
It is my first car.
And, i'm very attatched to my 'first' things.

Yesterday, my father bought me a new car.
New-to-me. 1997 chevy lumina i believe.
It has a cassette player! :O
Even the ghetto car had a cd player! :P
But, it is supposedly a great car.
Only 95,000 miles on it.
AND i can take it to WATERLOO even!
WHEREVER I WANNA GO!
But, i can't help it.
I know the ghetto car is jealous.
The day we got the 'new car',
The check engine light in the ghetto car,
That has been on for MONTHS, shut off.
It knows i'm trying to replace it.
And, again i cried in my car.
I don't want to leave it.
I want to keep this car forever,
But i would just keep getting harder.
I can't take it to college, or anywhere really.
But, i just what the car to know how much i love it.

Dear Ghetto Car,
I love you.
I've always believed in you.
You've seen me at my best.
You've seen me at my worst.
I have loved the time we've spent,
And i've begged my parents to let me keep you.
I've fought for you, but the battle is uphill.
(Both ways in the feezing sleet, actaully!)
I will always love you, you were my first car.
Sincerely with love from the bottom of my heart,
Carolyn Rose Corson. <3

:)

I just facebook stalked myself back to June
Of last year.
I relearned or at least remembered a lot. :)
I seemed to get sadder as the year went on. :P
But anyway, this song is amazing and,
I wanted to share it with you.
Yes, you. :)
Just, remember this.
Maybe i'll see all ya'll at 7 in the Aud tonight?
Kbyeeeee. :)

* You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
Well I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim *


Hope you all have an AMAZING WEEKEND! :)

I'm still here.

Ok. Don't cry. I'll be here for you.
Look, if you're not busy tomorrow is the
Talent show..seven at the rada.
If you're already comming, good.
If not, you should. :)
I'll hug you and we can talk.
Or not, maybe just know.

Just, my life is less busy now.
If you wanted to try again, we could.
I still consider you a great friend.
And a great person.
Let's hang out sometime.
Maybe in a group first, then maybe alone.
I won't leave you.
You say there's only a year left.
I say, there is still a year left of great memories to make.
That is all i'll say... <3

Spoon River

The play was nice.
I was nervous the first night but last night
I was ok. I mean, it was actaully pretty fun!
Now that it is over......I'm not sure what to do.
Boys are boys and i'm tired of it.
They keep confessing love to me
And i dislike it. But to be honest,
He was weird anyway.
And the other one.
The one that really like me,
Well,
He still freaks me out.
I still feel weird around him.

But, there's this girl.
She is one of my favorie people ever.
And, in a few months, it will be the last time
I ever see her most likely.
And it makes me want to cry.
Maybe i'll just move to Germany.. <3

Jealousy.

I don't know why but sometimes i get weirdly jealous.
Like, when i see a friend and someone is talking to
Them who isn't really in our friend group, and i
Sometimes get kinda jealous.
It's really strange.
But tonight it went over the edge.
There is a guy at play i'm friends with,
And people are naturally drawn to him.
Even people he greatly dislikes. :P (Hahaha)
But i just don't understand how i can feel
Protective almost, of a guy i barely know.
Expecailly when a girl most of us don't like
Made a most disturbing comment.
And i wanted to cry because it was so wrong.
Girls were flippin shit over a guy, who
None of them even have a chance with him.
So, why did i feel so protective and pissed?
I just don't know..

My True Love

Last night i had a dream about a boy from Mock Trail.
He was on a team from somewhere in SE Iowa.
I tried to add him in facebook, but he never accepted. :/
In the dream his team was at my house, and he walked in
And i hugged him and blushed (As if we were dating?)
We went upstairs and were making out in my bathroom.
And now i'm stuck in my dream and in love with a
Boy who i dont really know and will probably
Never see again, he was a senior.
Then tonight on facebook i got a weird urge to look
At the wall of that guy from UNI i was once
Pretty obsessed with.
He is so dang cute but i know he's a jerk.

Right now, i just feel like i'm in love with some
Small/medium build brown haired guy.
And, it's strange, but at the same time, almost nice..

Well.

Not that it matters but i'd care if you deleted it.
I still want to know how you are.
What you're up to.
I miss you.
Just so you know.
:/

It feels like summer.

I don't know what i'm doing.
Everytime i get close to a guy,
I pull back and find a lame excuse.
Something so i can justify why i don't like him.
And this just means i'm stringing two
Innocent guys along.
I don't mean it.
I just don't know what's wrong.
Maybe, as much as i haven't showed it,
Andrew hut me so much i can't trust guys like i use to.
Maybe, i'm not ready to love again.
And maybe, i'm too judgemental, and
Shouldn't be allowed to like nice boys..