Is covering my hands.
Happy late earth day, i painted a door. :P
To CJ...were you saying i was keeping jj company?
I think he thinks i'm weird,
Because i am.
But more so because i was really weird
On that night. ohhh well. :D
We're still friends, don't ever forget it!
We are gonna stay friends for a long time,
And hang out all the time this summer!
EP/JA....happy one year today! :)
~<3~ I love you, just so you know. ;)
HM...i don't think you'd read this.
But love isn't suppose to be like that.
Talking helps.
Then again, right now, im talking to myself. ;)
AP TEST IN **9** DAYS!
I plan on reading the last chapter tonight!
THEN STUDYING!!!!!!!!!! :)
Have a nice day, all!
28.4.10
24.4.10
Lampshades
Are nice. :P
I guess amber's doing good.
Which is aweosme.
BUT...problem...
THE AP TEST IS TWO WEEKS FROM YESTERDAY!
After this weekend...i shall have no more
Social life until may 7. (test day, but a friday.)
I've always realllly wanted to take the test.
It's what i've been working for for a long time.
But..it's $86.
There are no scholorships this year.
I mean, if i do good, i get college credit.
But do i need the credit for college if i'm
Not going into history?
I think i should pay for some, it's cruel
To make my parents pay fully for something
I will prolly fail at. :(
And...i don't want to fail,
But i'd hurt a lot more if i
Didn't take it.
Taking it isn't even a question.
Studying is what i have to be doing CONSTANTLY
Now.
So see you all in two weeks! :P
And wish me luck, please. <3
I guess amber's doing good.
Which is aweosme.
BUT...problem...
THE AP TEST IS TWO WEEKS FROM YESTERDAY!
After this weekend...i shall have no more
Social life until may 7. (test day, but a friday.)
I've always realllly wanted to take the test.
It's what i've been working for for a long time.
But..it's $86.
There are no scholorships this year.
I mean, if i do good, i get college credit.
But do i need the credit for college if i'm
Not going into history?
I think i should pay for some, it's cruel
To make my parents pay fully for something
I will prolly fail at. :(
And...i don't want to fail,
But i'd hurt a lot more if i
Didn't take it.
Taking it isn't even a question.
Studying is what i have to be doing CONSTANTLY
Now.
So see you all in two weeks! :P
And wish me luck, please. <3
19.4.10
PS
I'm a little lackin'
On posts this month.
Sorry lol.
I'm just OOOOOOOOBER busy.
Tis legit. :P
BUT i'm always up for haning out.
Just let me know you want to really.
Then it'll be funions.
And btw....i miss bowling.
Did i say i now have 3 balls?
Imma big boy now! ;)
ps though, i've come to realize that my
posts are EXTREEMLY hard to read.
And i wrote them! hahaha.
Sorry for the bad grammar and sentenes
That don't make sense that are broken up
In all the wrong places. :D
On posts this month.
Sorry lol.
I'm just OOOOOOOOBER busy.
Tis legit. :P
BUT i'm always up for haning out.
Just let me know you want to really.
Then it'll be funions.
And btw....i miss bowling.
Did i say i now have 3 balls?
Imma big boy now! ;)
ps though, i've come to realize that my
posts are EXTREEMLY hard to read.
And i wrote them! hahaha.
Sorry for the bad grammar and sentenes
That don't make sense that are broken up
In all the wrong places. :D
In my favor
Ha.
I don't know how to feel...
Yeah.
You ever have a horrible memory
You can't stop playing
Over and
Over and
Over and
Over in your head?
I got that.
Each time, it scares me more.
Whatever.
Life is swell.
Girl #2 is dating MLM again. :P
Even though he's going to Afganistan in
Like, 2 months.
I don't really care.
#1, i don't hate her.
Litterally, this time it's true.
I see her and talk about her and...
Nothing. :D
Otherwise...i'm fine.
Excited for Cj's bonfire saturday. XP
And i can't WAIT for
May 8th.
The day when the AP test is OVER.
I may just...take a nap that day.
*GASP*
lol....................
But boy to i hate biology homework! ;)
I don't know how to feel...
Yeah.
You ever have a horrible memory
You can't stop playing
Over and
Over and
Over and
Over in your head?
I got that.
Each time, it scares me more.
Whatever.
Life is swell.
Girl #2 is dating MLM again. :P
Even though he's going to Afganistan in
Like, 2 months.
I don't really care.
#1, i don't hate her.
Litterally, this time it's true.
I see her and talk about her and...
Nothing. :D
Otherwise...i'm fine.
Excited for Cj's bonfire saturday. XP
And i can't WAIT for
May 8th.
The day when the AP test is OVER.
I may just...take a nap that day.
*GASP*
lol....................
But boy to i hate biology homework! ;)
15.4.10
Can you guess?
Exactly what i'm going to say?
Amber Drilling.
I *knew* her.
More than almost anyone else.
Yeah, she had few friends.
(8:05 a.m.)
Update from yesterday morning:
"Amber is stabilized, but she is not out of the woods yet. She was
t-boned by an SUV on the driver's side of her car as she pulled off 10th
Street SW onto Highway 3.
Her pelvis was shattered, ribs were broken, and she suffered head
injuries as well. The head injuries, originally thought to be the
worst, were not as bad as originally thought. However, her broken bones
sliced her spleen in half and caused multiple other internal injuries,
primarily ripping her aorta. 90% of people die at the scene of ripped
aortas, and 50% of those who make it to the hospital do not survive.
Amber has survived the surgeries from last night to repair her aorta and
the other vitals that the surgeons could get to, so she is in a 5%
survival group. Because her body is still so distended from the trauma,
the surgeons have not yet closed her up from last night".
She's now made it out of 6 sugeries, and had a 95% torn aorta.
She pulled out behind someone who was lucky to have made the turn.
The sun was in her eyes.
No one knows why she went.
I miss her.
But it hasn't hit me yet.
People who only care about her now
Won't care when she's back next year.
They never knew she existed.
Look around your effing school, please.
And CJ...
I miss you.
I have 2 tests tomorrow,
An essay due,
And 3 worksheets.
Life's busy.
lets hang out sometime! <3
Amber Drilling.
I *knew* her.
More than almost anyone else.
Yeah, she had few friends.
(8:05 a.m.)
Update from yesterday morning:
"Amber is stabilized, but she is not out of the woods yet. She was
t-boned by an SUV on the driver's side of her car as she pulled off 10th
Street SW onto Highway 3.
Her pelvis was shattered, ribs were broken, and she suffered head
injuries as well. The head injuries, originally thought to be the
worst, were not as bad as originally thought. However, her broken bones
sliced her spleen in half and caused multiple other internal injuries,
primarily ripping her aorta. 90% of people die at the scene of ripped
aortas, and 50% of those who make it to the hospital do not survive.
Amber has survived the surgeries from last night to repair her aorta and
the other vitals that the surgeons could get to, so she is in a 5%
survival group. Because her body is still so distended from the trauma,
the surgeons have not yet closed her up from last night".
She's now made it out of 6 sugeries, and had a 95% torn aorta.
She pulled out behind someone who was lucky to have made the turn.
The sun was in her eyes.
No one knows why she went.
I miss her.
But it hasn't hit me yet.
People who only care about her now
Won't care when she's back next year.
They never knew she existed.
Look around your effing school, please.
And CJ...
I miss you.
I have 2 tests tomorrow,
An essay due,
And 3 worksheets.
Life's busy.
lets hang out sometime! <3
8.4.10
I suppose i should say i'm sorry...
[Also posted on Facebook]
To two people.
I won't say who.
They don't even know.
Will they ever?
I have no idea.
This is it.
This is me getting over it.
I...detested two people.
They didn't know.
It made me a scary person to be around.
Now today, sitting in study hall, i realized:
I'm a horrible person
I don't know quite what i should do with myself right now.
The one girl.
The one i had ongoing hate for
For a long time.
About a year now.
I've talked to her ONCE.
In my life.
When i was in 8th grade.
At the uni dome sitting with the
High school band.
That was it.
I liked her from that day.
Honestly, she was [and still is] adorable.
I wish i could be friends with her,
But people tell me it is impossible.
So i continue to hate.
I always say i will try to be her friend..
But then i see her and this unexplained hate
Builds up inside of me.
Oh well...soon it will be over.
I think she hated me first.
But i won't judge.
The matter isn't that important,
It was a mutal matter for our hate.
I just wish things could be different...
The other girl...
A recent yet unexplained hate.
She....didn't like me for hanging out with someone.
It sounds worse when i can't say who or what.
I think.
So i decided to hate her for thinking i was in the wrong.
What gives her the right?
No, what gives ME the right?
Let's back up.
Girl #2-
She and i shared an evening of fun.
And a silly bathroom story.
I never talked to her after that
Night with our friends.
Except for once or twice.
I liked her.
She even once said she considered me a
Friend.
Wow, and now i hate her?
But, we were never close.
So the point is...i feel bad.
Mostly for #2.
She and i still could be friends,
If i quit being a betch.
It's the truth...
I wish nothing would have happened.
They were both caused by one thing
That i'm not backing down on.
This is a crappy apology,
But more than that,
It's me trying to help the
Monster within me,
That many of you have heard of
Or seen or felt the rath of,
Dying.
I never used to be a bad person...
I promise.
But...i don't want to call
People who aren't
Actualy 'whores' whores anymore.
People who aren't nice to me names anymore.
I use to fight people for casually calling
People they didn't like bad names.
Now i've become that person.
I don't want to use hate either.
It's too strong.
I know i'll slip up.
I know i'll be the same person...
I'm just sorry i am who i am and
I'm seriously hating myself now.
I wrongfully called out girl #2.
I overheard a conversation about her
In study hall.
I heard the truth.
And...i was wrong.
I feel bad.
I don't like this.
I wish it were a playground,
And we could make-up
By letting you go first down the slide
Or by me pushing you on the swings.
It's not.
My life will forever change.
I've become a so-to-speak
"Mean Girl".
And if i could, i'd say sorry.
But why?
I'll only be mean again.
And i know it's terrible,
But it's me.
I can't change,
But i feel so bad.
It hurts.
This anger just by seeing a
PICTURE of #1.
And slowly, this moster
Will devour me whole.
And it will be a sad day.
For me.
And the rest of you will go on
With your lives.
I ache for peace.
But i appear to be controlled
By an inner deamon.
And no, i'm not blaming any ONE
Or any THING.
Just myself.
That is all.
To two people.
I won't say who.
They don't even know.
Will they ever?
I have no idea.
This is it.
This is me getting over it.
I...detested two people.
They didn't know.
It made me a scary person to be around.
Now today, sitting in study hall, i realized:
I'm a horrible person
I don't know quite what i should do with myself right now.
The one girl.
The one i had ongoing hate for
For a long time.
About a year now.
I've talked to her ONCE.
In my life.
When i was in 8th grade.
At the uni dome sitting with the
High school band.
That was it.
I liked her from that day.
Honestly, she was [and still is] adorable.
I wish i could be friends with her,
But people tell me it is impossible.
So i continue to hate.
I always say i will try to be her friend..
But then i see her and this unexplained hate
Builds up inside of me.
Oh well...soon it will be over.
I think she hated me first.
But i won't judge.
The matter isn't that important,
It was a mutal matter for our hate.
I just wish things could be different...
The other girl...
A recent yet unexplained hate.
She....didn't like me for hanging out with someone.
It sounds worse when i can't say who or what.
I think.
So i decided to hate her for thinking i was in the wrong.
What gives her the right?
No, what gives ME the right?
Let's back up.
Girl #2-
She and i shared an evening of fun.
And a silly bathroom story.
I never talked to her after that
Night with our friends.
Except for once or twice.
I liked her.
She even once said she considered me a
Friend.
Wow, and now i hate her?
But, we were never close.
So the point is...i feel bad.
Mostly for #2.
She and i still could be friends,
If i quit being a betch.
It's the truth...
I wish nothing would have happened.
They were both caused by one thing
That i'm not backing down on.
This is a crappy apology,
But more than that,
It's me trying to help the
Monster within me,
That many of you have heard of
Or seen or felt the rath of,
Dying.
I never used to be a bad person...
I promise.
But...i don't want to call
People who aren't
Actualy 'whores' whores anymore.
People who aren't nice to me names anymore.
I use to fight people for casually calling
People they didn't like bad names.
Now i've become that person.
I don't want to use hate either.
It's too strong.
I know i'll slip up.
I know i'll be the same person...
I'm just sorry i am who i am and
I'm seriously hating myself now.
I wrongfully called out girl #2.
I overheard a conversation about her
In study hall.
I heard the truth.
And...i was wrong.
I feel bad.
I don't like this.
I wish it were a playground,
And we could make-up
By letting you go first down the slide
Or by me pushing you on the swings.
It's not.
My life will forever change.
I've become a so-to-speak
"Mean Girl".
And if i could, i'd say sorry.
But why?
I'll only be mean again.
And i know it's terrible,
But it's me.
I can't change,
But i feel so bad.
It hurts.
This anger just by seeing a
PICTURE of #1.
And slowly, this moster
Will devour me whole.
And it will be a sad day.
For me.
And the rest of you will go on
With your lives.
I ache for peace.
But i appear to be controlled
By an inner deamon.
And no, i'm not blaming any ONE
Or any THING.
Just myself.
That is all.
4.4.10
3 letter words
For the word
Man
Boy
Guy
Him
Why are there so many?
Hahaha.
So...happy easter ya'll!
I really hate that spring break is over.
I had soo many plans to do homework
Or to hang out with friends
And i didn't do any of it! :(
Well.......see you all tomorrow at school.
Man
Boy
Guy
Him
Why are there so many?
Hahaha.
So...happy easter ya'll!
I really hate that spring break is over.
I had soo many plans to do homework
Or to hang out with friends
And i didn't do any of it! :(
Well.......see you all tomorrow at school.
1.4.10
April Fools?
<3 summer.
Let's hang out, anybody? >.< Since there was no school today...
This day snuck up on me.
AKA i woke up, turned my phone on,
And realized.
"Frick, it's April Fools and i havne't done anything"
Nor will i do aynything. lol. ;)
Last night when i got home my mother had OPENED A WINDOW!
So i ran to my room and threw mine open. :)
And when i woke up at 4 in the morning and couldn't sleep,
So i flipped position on my bed, [head where feet were]
And layed beside the window.
The slight but cool breeze was amazing.
I love spring.
I <3 summer.
Let's hang out sometime? X)
Let's hang out, anybody? >.< Since there was no school today...
This day snuck up on me.
AKA i woke up, turned my phone on,
And realized.
"Frick, it's April Fools and i havne't done anything"
Nor will i do aynything. lol. ;)
Last night when i got home my mother had OPENED A WINDOW!
So i ran to my room and threw mine open. :)
And when i woke up at 4 in the morning and couldn't sleep,
So i flipped position on my bed, [head where feet were]
And layed beside the window.
The slight but cool breeze was amazing.
I love spring.
I <3 summer.
Let's hang out sometime? X)
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