Better

My mom just got home from the hospitol.
Apparently they went in to check my grandpa out
And there is no cancerous growth
On his tongue or esophogus!
He still has cancer in lungs and body,
But it is the best news possible.
And for that, i am thankful. <3

I Hate Cancer.

I'm going to be honest and say i don't know
What exactly to write.
I'm still trying to come to terms myself.

When i was in seventh grade,
They gave me grandpa 3 years to live.
He outlived it and has been
Living life to the fullest.
He has some cancerous growths, but
They were able to be removed.
This weekend he couldn't swollow.
He hasn't eaten in a week.
Now, he can't talk.
We hoped this was a side affect of
Radiation and hoped it would pass.
Today, i found out he has cancer
On his lungs, esophogus, and tounge.
The one thing, the ONE thing
My grandpa needs to survive,
Is his abbility to talk.
He knows more than anyone i've ever met.
He is amazingly smart.
He knows everyone in town and their stories.
And now, i have to come to terms with the fact
That before summer is over,
I will no longer have a grandpa.
Sorry if i don't want to hang out this summer.
Sorry if i cry.
Sorry if i call just to cry.
Some days i'll need people,
Some days i won't.

My father runs a funeral home.
I wasn't afraid of death.
Until today.
When all my other grandparents died,
I didn't understand.
I was 4rd grade and below.
Now, i understand death and love.
I love my grandpa, but he is going to die.
Life is cruel.
The ONE thing he wanted to keep he couldn't.
I'm afraid my family won't get together anymore now.
He is what is holding us together.
I'm scared.
And i cry when i drive past his house.
Which is everyday.
The only thing that makes it ok is soon,
He will be with the wife he never stoped loving.
The wife he never yelled at.
They were the perfect couple.
My grandma was taken from me when i was in 4th grade.
Death is hard.
So is life.
Again, sorry if i'm down this summer.
My mom told me to not stop living my life for him,
But it is a harsh reality.
I just hope he does not suffer.
He is too great of a man for that.
I love him. So so much..

Whatever a good title for a blog post is..

Hello there.
I recently got myself a twitter.
TWO PEOPLE are folling me.
FML, right? Ha.
I'm not too concerened since i'm only
Following three haha.
Ok, but honestly,
I found his twitter.
And...msot of his tweets are about
How he thinkgs nobody cares about him.
I just wish there was a way i could show him
That i care.
Sometimes i wonder if i even should.
But i can't help the way i feel..

Enough about boys.
They're dumb anyway.
I'm excited for summer
And i hope it is one filled with friends!
I'm excited. My last monday is over for the year! :)

Neuro Bliss

http://drinkneuro.com/products/bliss
I drank that today... ;)
Uhm, Yeah janseville kid and i haven't
Exactly talked since the unicorn incident.
Except very SMALL talk at lunch today. :/
But, everything else was good today.
It might have been the neuro bliss but idk. :)
I like talking to you again. :)
I'm glad nothing has changed.
And, i'm not even too bothered by the
Guy-not-liking-me-thing.
If it works, i'll be happy.
If it doesn't, then that is fine too.
More fish in the sea, green grass blah blah blah. :)
I'm just...happy.

ihateyou.

I only even started THINKING about you
Because someone said that you liked me.
And maybe you didn't and they just wanted to see.
Well, maybe i just don't know anything.
You jokingly said you liked unicorns.
And that you wanted to get one.
So i got you a TINY one.
And you were a jerk about it.
Whywhywhy?
Yesterday i showed up in your town,
Actaully believing that you would want to see me.
I hate this.
I just don't know what i'm doing.
I'm so happy when i'm with you.
And when i see you, i can't breathe.
Stop making this so hard.
I'm obviously head over heels for you.
So stop being a dick..

What do i do?

Do i text him first?
Should i wait for him to text me?
Will he text me?
Am i too annoying?
Am i too blonde?
Does he even like me?
Am i crazy?

This has never happened to me before.
I don't know what to do.
Why do i have to fall so hard so fast? :/

Happiness

Wells, my new car is spify and i like it.
There are only three weeks left of school.
Two for a lot of my friends.
I'm a little scared. :/

On a completally different note.
Last monday, my friend told me
That i would look really cute with this one guy.
We started texting this weekend.
He's super cool.
And, i really like this.
It is different than before.
With Alex, i never felt quite right
When i was around him.
I was always super uncomfortable near him.
It's not tha way with this kid.
I got to know him a little when he was in band.
When were friendly enemies, i'd say.
I always figured i bothered him a little.
Now, it's not that way.
How quickly can frienemies change to flirting?
In one text message.
I bet you've already guessed who it is.
The only problem is, he is a janesville kid.
Does that bother you? I hope not.
I still value your opinion as a friend.
But, on the other hand, i really like where i'm headed right now. :)