Not okay..

Last night i had a great time marching and then i went to the dance and it was AMAZING. Probably the best dance i have ever been to even though i was only there for 1.5 hours. :P
But then everyone left and someoen drove me around to the back of the school where my car was and drew was back there and then it was just drew and i.
and i had said earlier that i didnt want to go home and my curfew wasn't for a while.
so we ended up sitting in the back of his truck listening to music. but we were sitting with our legs stretched out and all of a sudden his foot touched mine. not like in beat to the music just once out of nowhere.
so i waited a minute then pulled my feet away so it didn't look connected.
then i looked down and i saw his hand was all limp next to me like he wanted to hold hands. so i said i had to go and baiscally left. then i took a longer way home cuz i was trying to avoid him but then i saw his car parked by the cemetary which is past his house on the way home as if he was checking i was going home.
He's going to mess everything up. He is just a good friend and thinking of dating him makes me want to vomit. i felt so sick when i saw his hand last night.
I've tried to avoid hanging out with him, but we have the same wartburg periods off so it is really really hard when he is looking to hang out everyday during the time and i can't say i want to be alone in the auditorium.
I wish he knew he was fucking everything up. Now we won't just be friends. Maybe i'll just get a new set of friends, away from the 'guys'.
I mean, things like this make me WANT to leave for college so i can have a fresh start. Y U NO understand i just want to be friends! STOP CARING. STOP ASKING IF I'M ALRIGHT EVERY FIVE SECONDS. I'M ONLY NOT ALRIGHT CUZ YOU'RE MESSING EVERYTHING UP!

And maybe, it's me. It happened with Alex where i got close to him and then didn't want to date him. Maybe after Andrew i can't date/trust for a while.
Or maybe the people just aren't right for me.
All i know is the year is going to suck.
I'm going to have to tell him.
I don't know how it will go.
But i do know this sucks.
He is too much of a friend and brother to ever date.
Plus he is awkward. It's ok when we're friends but i don't want to date an awkward person. It would make this terrible situation worse.
I think i'm done talking now.
I'm going to just do nothing this weekend, hopefully.
Because this sucks. :/