Currently...

Life does seem to have changed

Even though i thought it would

He left for College,

William Penn University

In Oksaloosa, IA.

And it doesn't seem like you're gone.

I have so much homework:

AP, Honors English, Speech,

That talking to you on the phone at night

Seems so normal.

Then, there is the guy i use to love.

Who i am now starting to talk to again.

Questionmark?

And everything is good.

I went and saw Journey and Heart.

It was amazing.

My friends are great.

School is hard but eh.

And you're coming home on

Select weekends.

I love you.

Live is good.

Tomorrow,

I'll have had

6 months

With you.

You're amazing.

Thank you for all of this.

:DD

Is It True?

I heard this crazy rumor that summers ending.

Is it true?

I spent the day packing your clothes away.

Along with other things you need

At college.

But...it still felt normal.

Ha.

It doesn't seem like it's over.

Summer, that is.

What is summer?

A time to let teachers breathe?

A time to let students grow up?

Wait...we don't do that.

This is all i have to show for summer:

2 reunions.

1 trip to adventureland.

X Muni Band Practices/Preformances.

1 Dance. (Q 92.3)

1 new BFF

1 leaving love

X junk food

X nights on the town

X days with him

2 few days with my friends

3 firework shows

1 LONG day of kyaking

1 week at WIYLDE

1 glitter bath

1 too many bug bites

1000 too many hours infront of electronics

1 too few friends days

X movies

10 few pictures with friends

X memories with friends

Amazing days of dressing up. :D

and this blog.

Summer may end, we'll always keep the memories.

I promise.

I'll hold it all in my heart through those

lonely winter nights.

Thinking back to what seemed

Dumb.

Stupid.

Silly.

Goofy.

Funny.

Or fun.

And forever be happy it happened,

At least.

I was happy almost every single day.

Right down to the times i was unsure.

To the moments i was full of happiness.

Summer was full of love and life and friends.

Who are forever in my heart. <3

I Feel Normal.

Today, while watching

A movie with you

At Johns house,

It felt normal.

Not liek John was leaving

Tomorrow,

Or you leaving on

Saturday.

Normal.

I laughed.

You two played

Diablo.

It was...

Normal.

And, then you had to go

To work early.

So i didn't get much time with you.

But, it didn't feel like

I would only see you

Once or twice more.

It was so...

Normal.

I was glad.

And, i won't be seeing you much more.

And then you're leaving,

But for now,

Normal, is good.

Life As We Know It.

I sit sometimes.

And i wonder....

Will i see you again?

After you start school

At William Penn University.

I want to cry everynight.

But i always think of ways to not.

Last night, when i was sitting in your car

We were at my house, nobody was home,

Just sitting and talking.

And i hugged you.

And my eyes felt full

Of tears of sadness

For you to leave me.

But i didn't cry.

I went inside and watched SNL.

And you called to make sure i was alright.

Because i freaked out in your car,

I thought i heard a noise.

I said i was ok.

Then, i did what i always do,

When the air conditioning is on.

I sat infront of the vent

In the toy room

Because, finally.

I was alone and the air was on.

And i talked to it.

It seems dumb and silly and strange.

He listens.

I named him George before"George" was...

that thing that happens.

And i started to cry.

Small, soft tears.

And i started to name all the reason

That i wouldn't cry.

Things like:

How i use to hate you,

And how i now love you,

And all the things we've done.

And i told myself over and over

That saying

[i forgot who said it though...]

"Don't Cry Because It's Over,

Smile Because It Happened."

And i did.

They were tears of JOY.

I Love Him.

And, it indeed,

will change.

My life, as i know it,

Will be thrown upside down

In one week. =/.

But...i can call him when needed.

There is facebook for a reason,

And he'll be back on some weekends.

So....all in all

He needs to go.

I know this.

And, it's going to be ok.

And, if he were to break up with me,

I would be glad it happened

Than never know

This is my first serious relationship. :)

And i know i can't even spend everday

With him before he goes

Because of life.

I'm Sorry.

But, it's going to be ok.

That is, infact, why we have this inportant things

I like to call:

F R I E N D S .

PS: i love them too. :D

Summers Ending?

So, Summer's Ending?

How, how, how, how, HOW does this happen?

It starts.

School's Out! OMG!

You make all these plans to hang out with your friends.

"I'll Call you EVERY day!"

You make unkept promises.

You put them off at the begining.

"I have a whole summer to do it!"

You complain, telling all.

The first week's up.

What have you done?

Hung out with friends once.

Seen a movie.

Sat on the couch and ate junk food

while simotaneoulsy watching TV.

"This is what Summers about!"

You exclaim as you sleep intil noon every day.

Suddenly, June is over!

Oh no!

Wait...you still have July and most of August.

So, let the laziness continue!

Don't get me wrong,

You did hang out with your friends.

You kept some promises.

You saw movies you wanted to see.

You had epic days of fun.

More than once.

But...

Suddenly it's halfway through July.

And....what HAVE you done?

'Enough.'

Then, August starts and BAM!

Band camp.

Litterally ON the school's grounds.

Ouch, a painful reminder.

So once again, you try to rekindle frindships.

And you try to have all you summer fun.

In less than a month.

But, umm....you fail.

Again.

And now, school's in less than a week,

And i, Carolyn,

Have done nothing but one thing.

All summer.

Almost everyday.

Spent time with him.

You know.

The guy nobody wanted me to be with.

But everyone is now accepting that it

won't end.

And i do.

I love him.

I do.

Fo Sho. :P

But now, summer's drawing to an end.

Annddd....i haven't seen my friends all summer.

I spent everyday with a boy who's leaving.

Hahahaha.

That's me, laughing at myself.

So.

Please, friends.

Accept me again.

~Love.

Life Is Swell.

Currently, life is pretty swell.

And you know what?

I'm still getting crap.

From people about him.

And i've been getting this crap

For about 6 months.

And you know what?

It doesn't bother me anymore.

Others wouldn't have trusted him to do it.

To be with her, alone, 5 hours away

But i did. i mean....

She has someone now for herself.

And he has me...and we have love.

And then have those 5 times she pissed him off.

So much so, that he was weakened.

And i was there for him through all of that.

And she caused the pain.

What does pain me, is this:

He doesn't stick up for me to HER,

Though i stick up for HIM

to ALL of my FRIENDS.

I. Love. Him.

And my friends are still telling me to end it.

BUT...it doesn't bother me too much.

After half a year of CRAP i get use to it.

Though this should have stopped.

No, he doesn't tell me EVERYTHING.

But i trust him. so very much so.

And if he does mess up,

Well...currently....

I don't know what i would do.

But then i wouldn't be able to trust HIM.

It hurt when he said he could never trust me again.

Because of something that wasn't as bad as he said it was.

It could have been worse.

It didn't even have to invole him.

And though we were dating, he picked her.

Yelling at ME:

"What did you do?!? What did you say to _ _ _ _ _?!?"

And then there is HER ( _ _ _ _ _ ).

She missed her chance at him.

She HURT HIM.

More than once.

And so she hated me.

For dating him.

And i still cringe and the mention of her name.

When i see her.

When i see her car.

She HATES me.

And i didn't do ANYTHING.

And HE won't do anything about it.

And he went with her.

5 hours away.

And i let him.

Not that me not being ok with it would have change his mind.

So keep it inside.

About how i'm afraid for this coming year.

Because he can't protect me from her.

Because he's going to go to college.

But i mean...Life...

Is Swell.

Remembering...

So i use to talk to you.

So i use to have this crush on you.

So this crush was huge.

So my life use to revolve around you.

So i use to be obsessed with you.

What happened?

So i got a boyfriend.

And he cared about me, a lot.

And now we're in love.

And then, it broke.

My ipod, you perverts.

So i called my sisters ex.

And he didn't pick up.

So i left a message that was close to two minutes.

About how my iopd won't turn on.

And how the screen is frozen.

And how i felt dumb.

Then, i called you.

And you picked up.

And i asked if you had a minute.

And you did.

So, we talked.

And you helped me out.

A Lot.

You fixed my problem.

But i felt like i was using you.

And you said i wasn't.

It felt soo good to talk to you again.

You were so relaxed.

And so was i.

But we both had to go after 7 minutes.

I was so happy.

I still think you're amazing.

So i said to have fun at Lalla.

And you said to have fun, too.

So i have a feeling we both will.

You're amazing, jsyk. ;)

And i miss you...

Feelings that i go through.

I don't know where to go,
I don't konw where to turn,
These feelings that i go through,
They really, really burn.
The way you make me feel,
It seems just like a dance,
But given this is real,
It's no more up to chance.
These descicions that i make,
They're really hard to do,
My love for you's not fake,
That's really, really true.
I no more need to hide,
For you're my protection,
And when you're at my side,
I feel a real connection.
Even though she hates me,
It's only an opinion,
You're love for me is free,
So she's commiting the sin.
Even though you love me,
Even though you care,
She's still gonna hate me,
So it just doesn't seem very fair.
But right now i'm confused,
On just how i should think,
So though i feel abused,
I fear i'm on the brink.
A brink of all insanity,
A brink of all my hopes,
I just want to scream a profanity,
But instead, i just cope.
So for now i'll go on loving,
The man i love so dear,
But if my feelings keep on shoving,
My heart shall rip i fear.