No More.

SO.

No more braces.

It's been 3.25 years.

I'm excited.

And cute.

:D

My Bad.

So.

He...didn't forget.

I over re-acted.

Like robert said.

He knew, it prolly wasn't

A big deal, to him.

It's not an important number.

It's 7.

And, i'm lucky.

Ok, i was freaking out over it.

And...i went upstairs after posting this last one.

I began to wash my face.

I began to cry.

Uncontrollable.

Yelling why doesn't he care?

Why do i love him

What happened?

And...i texted him.

I didn't have guts to call him

Incase he didn't love me.

Incase he didn't care anymore.

"Can you tell me if you still love me?

Because i'm sitting here crying because

It's seven months and you haven't said

I Love You in a week.

Because I Love you..."

His reply?

"Babe, of course i still love you.

Sorry i haven't said it"

He replied.

He didn't call to care that i was crying.

But...he replied.

He cares.

He loves me still.

I kept crying.

For reasons unknown.

Then i went to bed.

Then, in the morning i texted him.

"Sorry about the freak out

I over reacted.

I have a lot of stuff going on right now.

I'm off to des moines now

Have a good day. <3"

I left and haven't talked to him in 2 days.

And, this whole time i was gone

I worried my freak out would scare him

To not like me anymore.

I'm going to go call him soon but...

I love him, and that's all.

I've thought about it a lot.

I re-read all the texts he's sent me.

And, smiled.

Even before we dated.

We flirted.

Then, we loved.

Then, i was his baby.

Then, there were those tiffs we had.

But, always made up as soon as they happened.

And, over all.

If he's all i ever have in life.

I will be

So happy.

I love him.

He loves me.

That is all.

Way to go.

SO.
Way to go.
Way to remember 7 months.
I texted you it this morning.
No reply.
Eff this.
For the past week,
You have not said I Love You
When we say goodnight on the phone.
Eff this.
If you don't care anymore,
If you can't say
I Love You
On Seven EFFING months,
Then eff this.
I don't care.
I love you.
*I* do.
Do you love me?
You played Rock Band
THE WHOLE DAY
On our 7 month anniversary.
WHY?
Why can't you even talk to me?
Why don't you love me?
I love you.
Whatever, i'm going to bed.
Happy seven months, carolyn.
You're dating a loser.

Falling Apart?

.SO.

I'm using a darker color today.

It's...interesting.

It's...homecoming.

It's...my life.

It's...falling apart.

And worst of all...

I didn't do anything.

Ok, so here

Are the homecoming days:

Monday-Monochromatic.

I didn't know preps knew big words!

Tuesday-Marti Gras.

Wtf? beads...and...clothes please?

Wednesday-Woodstock

EPIC..

Thursday-Thrift Store.

Offensive, much?

Friday-Black and Gold.

This was obvious.

And, right now,

Everyone is dumb.

No one is dressing up.

Last week upset me.

A lot.

The football game.

We...suck.

Lets face it, we know this.

And...we played like the

2nd in the state, duh.

Again, we suck.

So it's 3rd quarter,

Time for Itty Bitty Band!

And...literally the FOOTBALL TEAM

Tells us to

1) Not play peppy songs.

WE'RE AN EFFING PEP BAND.

2) Not play the school song.

Um...fine. don't get the crowd excited.

Because the point of the band isn't to

Entertain the players,

It's to REV UP the fans.

And 3) To not do gypsy dances

Which is where someone lays on the ground

With a bass drum and someone runs around

Hitting it while other run around

Whooping.

It's fun. Why can't we do it?

The football team was loosing 50-0, but

SCHOOL SPIRIT, people.

Guess our football team is too

Dumb to figure it out.

Whatever, dudes.

...

And, then...School.

Lastely of all on my ranting/hateing list.

People at school.

Besides lack of school spirit...

There so much drama and saddness...

Someone tried suicide. again.

Why? we all love you...and it hurts us more. <3

Some one else had "stuff" in his backpack,

Which he left on school grounds.

And is being linked to it by his business card.

And, my friends own college boyfriend dumped her last night.

AFTER saying she was the best thing he's had

He "just wasn't happy."

Really?

So, i'm kidna worried about my relationship right now.

Is love strong enough to get us through?

...<3...

A Racing Heart?

So...

What happened?

Yesterday...

I was getting dressed

Getting ready to march.

And, like i knew would happen,

You came to the band room.

How long HAS it been

Since i've seen your face?

Since i've hugged you?

Since i've freaked out over you very

Presence?

You walked in.

I looked up.

My heart started racing.

Wait.

I love someone else.

OK, ok, i use to love you, it's true,

But, i don't anymore.

I haven't for a long time.

Why did i get nervous?

Why?

Why?

Why?

I don't love you anymore.

So why did i sit there

Wanting to talk to you?

I. Can't.

No.

And i do love my boyfriend.

He's the reason i stopped liking

You.

So...why?

And, something else happened last night.

During Itty Bitty,

You talked to her.

And, then i walked right past you two

To put away my clarinet.

And when i was done, i called you.

You ignored it.

But, turns out, you weren't still talking

To her, so it's ok.

Then, we were walking to your car.

It was dark.

And someone drove past and started to

Pound on the window of the car.

I assumed i knew the person...

But no.

It was her.

He ran over the the car and started talker to her.

I stayed where i was.

10 feet away is good for me.

Then, from nowhere

She says:

"Hey, Carolyn"

And i was like...woah.

She said it in a

Sincere, cute, smiley voice.

And when she left, she waved.

At both of us.

And said goodbye.

To both of us.

I don't care if she didn't mean it.

I'm going to smile at her from now on

Instead of avoiding her in the halls.

And, i can already tell,

This will be a fun year.

Maybe she doesn't hate me.

Maybe she has not reason to talk to me.

Or no reason to know me.

Or, tension is awkward.

But, i can take this and run.

We won't be BFFs,

But, maybe, just maybe,

We can be mutual.

And, this, makes me smile.

I Miss You.

So,

It's true.

I miss you so much,

And no, this won't be a rant about how much

I miss you.

Because, even though i do,

I think i can manage.

I love you more than

Anything i've ever known.

Sometimes, like this week

Will happen.

Where i called you every night

At 9 like usual.

And every time you were busy.

We would talk for about

5 minutes.

And then, i got mad.

Why the Hell

Where you blowing me off?

Who gave you this right?

To be with your new friends

And not talk to me

Then apologize in a text

About how you're

"Sorry".

And then talk

About coming home this weekend.

And, then i talked to you today

For that hour i longed for.

Most of it was silence.

Am i slipping from you?

Sometimes i think i could

Infact, live without you.

Then i cry at night about how i miss you.

I.

Don't.

Know.

Who.

I.

Am.

Anymore.

Eff.

With you or

Without you,

I just am

Confused.

Jack's Mannequin.

So.

I always seem to start all my posts that way.

Update on my life:

School is going pretty good.

Besides the homework in every subject part.

And...as far as him being gone...

I call him every night.

It's just like before we dated.

Or when we were first dating.

I love it.

Actually, i love sitting in my closet,

On the floor, talking to you

For an hour every night. :)

And, this weekend.

Labor day weekend,

You came back.

Friday, you were in CF around 3:30.

So from 4-6 we hung out.

Then i marched.

In Janesville,

where we put a WSR on their field.

So glad they didn't kill us.

And, then, after that, we went to your

"Mom" & "Dad"'s house.

Your bowling coaches house.

Btw, i'm joing bowling this year,

along with soccer.

So long as _ _ _ _ _ don't kill me.

Which, since i have wranwrap,

I should be all good there.

And since you were back, we hung out

Almost 15 hours this weekend.

it was a 3 days weekend tho. :D

And i love him.

So much.

Ohh, and the whole thing with the title.

Last night, i listened to jack's mannequin,

And every other song i would

Cry, then on the next song,

I would smile.

A gemini night.

And the night before,

Even though i knew i would see you the next day,

I still went home and cried.

All of a sudden, and i couldn't stop.

And, i was scared.

I didn't know why i was crying.

But i was.

And i couldn't stop.

And everyone was a little worried.

Which goes to show

You don't post on facebook unless you want question asked.

I had forgeten this.

Ohh well.

And then i talked to him on FB.

And he asked if he should be worried,

But as is softly continued to cry,

I was i was fine.

Then, later on, after i couldn't take it anymore,

I called Wranwrap.

My best friend.

And i felt soo much better.

She made me laugh.

And, that's my life right now.

March in the AM.

Study hard. (lol)

FB after school.

EAT.

Homework?

Call him.

Love him.

Go to Bed.

Cry.

Jack's Mannquin.

REPEAT.

I love my life. because i have him

Because i Love him. <3

Better Moods

So today wasn't my favorite day.

Didn't do so hot at school.

But...My little confirmants

Cheered me up. :)

They made me laugh.

And one of them knew me.

His dad use to be your boss.

Hahahaha.

They helped me laugh.

And smile.

And, you're coming home

Friday.

YAY!

I love you sooo much.

I've missed you sooo much.

And i'll get to see you

For a few days.

Earlier today,

I wanted to cry a little.

But i didn't.

It's all going to be ok.

So long as i have you.

And God.

And my 7th Graders.

You, i love you.

Them, they make me smile.

He, i mean, is Him.

AJZ is amazing. <3

And, life keeps on rollin'.