I MADE CONTACT!!!

Do you remember me telling you about the
UNI clarinet section leader?
(I think his name was Andy)
And how he's student teaching at my school
but i didn't have him as a teacher? WELL.
Today, i decided to be creepy.
The situation presented itself, honestly. :)
I was innocently walking to PE in high heels
(This is important because that means my exit
Wasn't very fast haha. or graceful.
Don't worry, i at least i didn't biff it)
So i saw him standing there next to Senor,
And my friend was distracting the teacher
(Usually he and the teacher were having intense convos)
And he sorta i THINK looked at me, sorta knowingly.
So, i walked up to him and ask "Do you remember me?"
He said he did, so i just said
"Ok, beacuse i've been seeing you aruond
And i just wanted to check"
Then, not wanting to be last to class,
I walked away. Creepy? probably a lot.
So yes. that's my story of the day. Teeeheeeee.

I'm very PUMPED for the weekend!
Fri-Game, show, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Sat-SET CONSTRUCTION. Homework. PARTY! CJ Time.
Sun-CJ TIME! Shopping! Teehee (we're girls, it's ok!)
THEN SOME EPIC TIME WITH ~<3~!!!!!
And gummy bear fetus'. ;)

Thanks!

Oh CJ, i knew guys thought that stuff,
But nobody ever advanced. Or said anything, and
Being imprisioned and marrooned from those things...yeah. :P
Speaking of, I SAW JJ TODAY IN THE OFFICE
OF THE HIGH SCHOOL TODAY!!!!!!!!!
He came to recieve a year book,
But he had trusted his mother to send in money.
She had not. So he had to pay for one. :D
Anywho. Thanks, btw. I think you're pretty too!
Also, what's so bad about a carpool?!?!
It's time with me, isn't it?
Don't you loooooooove me CJ? xP
Next object of business,
I'm sorry i'm so busy.
I'm trying..i am.
It's hard.
I'm sorry. Wanna hang out maybe
With a sleep over after the Homecoming thing?
Like old times? :D
I hope so!
Next object-
Those FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS WE HAVE AT OUR SCHOOL.
Ahem.
I mean, Nick Wheeler and Nick West.
*cough*douches*cough*
You SEE.
This morning i'm in a cherry mood.
Ready to head off to band to march.
And, ND, BMP, and EJTD pass by me and tell me to follow.
We head to Mr. A's room where i find out that.
THOSE GIANT JERKS WHERE WEARING ANTI-GSA TSHIRTS!
They said GSA on them but the word was crossed out.
Mr. A said there was nothing we could do,
And there wasn't.
But still. :\
I was happy the school held up their end of the deal
And made them cover/take it off.
I hope we can make some nice
RESPECT Tshirts.
With BMP. :)
But seriosuly, this was my status:
Carolyn Corson thinks what you did was wrong and insensitive, but i've learned that fire + fire isn't worth it. Thanks for your cooperation, but please try harder to be less cliché next time you want to offend someone, or just do us a favor and don't try. Sincerely, Carolyn.
FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES! hahaha. ;)
I'm off to confirmation now!
I hope you all have a good week!
GO HAWKS. haha. :D

Interesting...

It hasen't even been that long,
And the guys have assended.
I mean, i always thought i wasn't pretty
Or nice, or wanted by guys
Because they never made advancements.
I guess that's because i was taken.
Already, one is pushing for being closer,
And two or three others are talking to me
More and more and more and more.
I mean, flattering yes, but
I need time.
I still miss him.
I haven't talked to him since it happened.
It really, really hurts.
I love him so much still.
We agreed it was mutualy, i guess.
And we're still friends, i saw him
Text someone that because he didn't know
I was also there.
He said we agreed we were both busy, and that we were
'Of course' still friends.
I wanna call him so bad, but i don't know if it's ok to yet.
Not like a stupid rule, but i wanna give some time.
I am almost second guessing this stuff.
I mean, it should be ok if i can just talk to you.
I wish guys would stop.
I can't handle all this right now.
BJS is nice and i'd like to get to know him,
But today i realized that him living in Illinois
Is a problem for sure come summer.
Not that i'm looking.
Right now, i just wanna cry.
But i have to write an essay....
And that's what's ineresting.

=\

Today, i woke up at 7.
I went to set construction around 9.
I helped clean the wood room.
Then, around noon we broke for lunch.
I called Ajz and we went and got lunch.
Then, i went back to his house.
It was about 1:00.
I wasn't there for more than 10 minutes.
If you're smart you know what happened.
He seemed pretty ok about it.
If you want details, you have to ask me.
I barely cried during it.
Then, when i went to my car,
I decided i needed a distraction,
So i went to set construction again.
I drove there, in convulsions i couldn't stop.
But honestly, i was ok.
I called BMP, and she came out in the rain and gave me a hug.
I love you, btw.
And yes, i do still love him.
But like i said, it's ok.
Then i stayed at set for another 2 hours.
It helped a lot.
And i just told people bmp
Told me a funny joke and i swollowed pop wrong.
Casuing my eyes to tear up.
Because pop does that to me.
I can't handle the fizz.
And then i was able to also blame it on
'Alergies'.
Only 4 people there knew i think.
And that's all that matters.
Why should i flaunt it?
I'm fine.
And he told me i wouldn't lose him.
He also told me that he was always a phone call away.
So, really, i'm fine.

The second worst part?
Making it Facebook official.
I felt really mean doing it.
Gosh, i'm so backandforth on this..

The worst part?

You have no idea yet.
But you will tomorrow.
I still love you, no matter what.
I just hope everything works out alright.
I'm sorry.
But there's no turning back now.
My mind has been pushed to know,
This is what is going to happen.
Let's hope this is the last night i have to cry.

Ok, here's what's up.

Ok.
Friday night UNI came to wsr to play for band.
I met a male clarinetist name Brandon. (BJS)
We talked and he was really nice.
It got me thinking that i shouldn't have to feel bad because i talk to guys just because i've always dated Ajz.
I'm a jr/sr soon and i can't let these times slip away, i need to be able to do things now, right?
Things on my own, not skewed because of a bf.
So, then saturday wsr went to UNI.
I got to talk more to him.
But KS told me BJS had a thing for me and wanted to see me again.
But ~<3~ said he was a little bit of a man-whore.
Then i guess KS told me he was worried for me and he told BJS to back off.
But, when i got home i sent BJS a facebook message
(I friended him friday night) and we've been talking all day.
Which is another story.
But mainly, i've decided i want to take a break with Ajz
Because he will be busy with with bowling in 2 weeks,
And i should be able to be free, you know?
It might seem like i'm doing it for BJS, but i'm not.
I've been thinking this in the back of my head for a while...
Whenever i talk to a guy. Whenever my tummy flips..
Do i really wanna go through with it?
I do. i mean, AJZ and i have talked about it before,
And we'll both be really busy this year.
I want him to experience college and not come home all the time
And i wanna be able to talk to guys.
Maybe even guys like BJS.

This was BJS's status today : PARENTS SURPRISED ME AND CAME TO SEE THE GAME YESTERDAY. that was the best part of this weekend. game was a ton of bull shit. (sry but it was). then over friday i met one of the most(insert nice adjective here) person that ive meet in a long time. i think im starting to get over what i havent been able to get over for a year. :) PACKERS WIN

And this, is nice. And flattering. And i just wanna know,
Because i've changed a LOT since freshmen year.
1.7 years of love.
Yes, i still love him.
But if i;m the person who continues to date just because
I've always done it, then how will i know anything?
I'm not looking for new love, just some new expereinces.
In a good way. New friendships.
And, i just don't want this time to slip past me.
And, this is what's up.

?

Would you hate me if you knew?

I like hanging out with Brandon.
He's nice. and i shouldn't have to
Tear myself up to talk to a guy.
I hate it.
Change may be coming...
I love you, and that's all i know.
And i'm sorry. But, it's high school
And i can't let this time slip by me.
I'm sorry for who i am.

Whould you hate me if you knew?

.

Contemplations hurt.
I cried the whole night through...
I can only think of you,
Bow now there's someone new...
I cried the whole night through.

I lied.

Ok, i lied.
Everything's not ok. :\
Wed, like usual, confirmation was a disaster.
Probably the worst class ever.
Because i had 6 8th graders to watch
For a whole half an hour.
And everywhere we went nobody was happy.
Then they started my car.
And tried lifting it.
I didn't care we were at a church, i swore at them.
And i hate them.
And i don't want to ever go back. grrr.
They walk all over me.
But, at least the only one i care about
The one i like,
Said he was sorry yesterday.
Only because i was super emo on FB i bet though. :P
Because, i just don't want to live in a world
Where these are my colleagues,
My peers, my bosses or leaders even someday.
They'er attatched to their phones,
And very disrespectful.
And i lost all faith in my life and future.
But, when he appologized, it all went away.
I was happy again.
I think i like him more than i planned..
But, sometimes i don't think i'm as cute as i think i am.
But the GSA bonfire changed my mind on that. ;)
Because now i'm that drunk whore carolyn, who
Works at the Flip Side Town House strip club.
(As in the flip side crackers from Town House)
Oh boy. :D
The moral of the story...i was really, really sad for like,
2 days. Things changed. Last night made it tons better though.
And, now i'm rather chipper again. ;)

Hmm.

I've been pretty busy this month, sorry about that.
I have so much homework everynight, it's not fair.
And pretty soon, i'll have to start going to musical
To be a ninja. :P
And, i don't really know what all to talk about.
Maybe, just a list of things that make me happy.
Or maybe, i'll just try to think of what's been
Happening in my life currently.
I've become obsessed with IMVU, which is weird.
It's like...a place you can go to have your avatar
Interact with people from around the world..
But most people wanna have internet sex. xD
I still have my internet vcard haha.
Because i wouldn't know how to do it. :P
Haha, i just like playing with the dog
And buying cute clothes on there. ;)

Otherwise, the GSA bonfire last night was good.
Lots of good memories, none bad. :)
Nice group of people this year.

Hmm, what else?
Vowel's ringtone is I'm Awesome. :P

I can't think of anything else...