Well.

Just when i thought you didn't want be in your life.
Just when i thought you were over me and there was
NO hope at all for a friendship.
You went and did this.
I was babysitting, and all of a sudden,
A new text.
From Andrew.
Asking what was up.
Probably a mistake on his part.
I refused to stop texting him at all costs.
For the next three hours.
Until i was out of attempts to say.
Call me crazy.
He acted normal.
But normal to me for him is us dating.
Calling me cute.
And jokingly being flirtatious.
I...miss him.
Then i get on facebook, and all his statuses
Are songs about regreat, or lying that the person's ok.
Or thinking about pasts.
He keeps telling people he doesn't have a reason to
Come to Waverly anymore. I was always the reason.
It makes me happy. I...I'm still unsure of where i stand.
I love not having that relationship cloud over my head.
But, i miss having someone who i tell everything to.
How can i catch everyone up on the last 2 years of my life?
I can't.
I miss always having somewhere to go or someone to go with.
He was always there for me.
I understand he needs to freedom.
And it was a messed up realationship anyway.
I'm just trying to figure out where i stand.

As far as the Utah stalker kid.
He's good with his words.
Which is why texting is bad.
But, he's weird and nobody likes him.
Now, that was sorta the same with Andrew,
But Andrew wasn't AS weird. Trust me.
Glowsticks? Hairdo's? come on.
I was texting his older cousin
At the same time i was texting him.
I asked how the cousin figured out i had texting.
He said because he was with utah kid,
And all of a sudden, he goes
"Sweet! Carolyn texted me!"
So...that's that.:\

Then the next guy.
He's dated my friend.
And is again hitting on me.
He too is good with his words,
And is very sweet,
But i could never bring myself to being close to him.

Why do i do these things to myself?
I dont' want a relationship, but you know what?
I want BJS to talk to me.
He's who i really like.
Despite the fact it's been weeks since we've talked.
Longer since i've seen him.
Ugg. :\

People say my pretty face would get me anyone.
I just want you.
You're just a freakin college douche though.
And i'm sorta sad. And sorta over it.

But in reality,
I'm not over anything i just talked about.
Not in the least bit.
And these are the things that keep me up at night.
AFTER full nights of events.
These are what keep my brain so tired.
Cada. Dia. :\

Well what'm i gonna do?

I just, give up.
Musical drain all my sleep time and energy.
You wanna give up? You're not the only one
And i can't fight right now.
I swear, i really am tired.
I don't hold it against you and we're still friends.
You know, i could go off on you,
But i need you as a friend.
I know i don't try, but i can't right now.
I've never slept in class.
But these last two weeks i've taked to
Hurting myself to stay awake. :\
And this kid.
He got sent to Iowa to live with the good
Morman family because he got caught smmoking
in Utah. He's in 2 of my classes.
Last week he started texting me.
In my defense, he was nice when i gave him my number.
Then he asked me to a rave. Did i mention his hardcoreness?
He likes me style. O.o
Luckily, the rave was musical night.
THen, he asked me to the new HP movie.
As a double date with his cousin and his gf.
Awkward? yahhhhhhh.
Then he sent me a pic. AGAIN AWKARD.
Of his face, thanks. but still.
I told him i couldn't send one back.
"Aww well i thought i'd ask since you're way pretty".
Flattery is nice, but you're kinda creepy.
We've been talking since some.
He wants to hang out.
I'm 'busy'.
I like the attention and i get nervous when i see him.
But, he's not right for me at all.
And, he adds to the stress.
And, BJS and i don't talk.
Is it a coinicidence he had to do laundry when i IMed him?
And AJZ i can just forget about i guess.
Break my ass. This is a break up and i'm pissed.
And i said fuck in math today.
I don't know what i'm doing of who i am.
But whatever.
And if tomorrownight anything brings me down,
I'll blow up. I will. So don't cross my path.
I've gotten less than 6 hours of sleep a night this week.
I usually get 7 or 8 a night.
And everything happening at once.
So wahtever. It's now.
I'm here.
I miss him but i'm over it.
Except not really.
I wish he'd stop talking to me.
Why am i so nice?
I wish life was simple.

Cutecutecute!

Oh, goodness.
So, the girl who AJZ likes,
She not only looks like me,
Bowls, and live in Osky,
But apparently made Ajz brownies?
Wtf? Oh well.
I'm sorta over it right now.
Forever just couldn't last long enough i guess.

Next order of business, cute 8th grade boys.
=) Aka, AD. :D He's the one who's like a
Brother to Ajz.
I help with his confirmation class.
It was an early out today, and when i got there
I'd been looking sad for some reason that day.
He asked if i'd been having a bad day.
I said no.
Although, he'd spent the day with his gf haha.
Then later, i told him how AJZ's
Interest looked like me.
AD told me he must have good taste.
Then told me that that was a compliment. :D
After class, i guess i also became his mentor.
It's a good time. Because he's so cute.
No, i don't like him.
He's...sorta like a brother.
With a baby face. :P
And, he makes me happy.
Some times.

Next. BJS.
We talk rarely,
So i'm hoping some time i can go to UNI to
Find out what's all going on.
So..yeah. :)

I use Google Translator.

Tonight at confirmation,
I was informed by the 8th grader
That AJZ was home for Fall Break.
As in, he's been here since yesterday.
I felt like dying a little in side.
I felt like crying.
I felt like...yelling.
What happened to "We can still hang out"?
Or "I'm just a phone call away, always"?
I miss you.
I'm crying because you didn't tell me you were home.
Not even a nice "I'm on break" FB status.
I'm. So. Mad.
And i'm not 100% sure you ARE home,
But i think it all makes sence.
Why tell me? I'm just a blip on your radar
Who you no longer give a fuck about.
....
Just one thing?
I wish you still did.
I still care a lot about you...
I still sleep with the bear you gave me.
My favorite number is still 26.
The day of our anniversary.
I still listen to our song everynight.
I have for over a year.
I still pray for you in my list of people i care about.
I still think and dream about you.
And i wish you knew... :\
The time has come.
I finally know what it's like to hurt.
I hate this. I don't feel like caring about anything anymore.

Te amo con todo mi corazóny te extraño mucho. Me gustaría poder decirte, pero sé que no va a escuchar nada de lo que digo. me duele que ni siquiera me dijiste que ibas a estar en casa esta semana. Lo que pasó a ser siempre una llamada de distancia y todavía quieren pasar el rato? Realmente, realmente te extraño. Porque yo te amo stilll. Siempre y para siempre, pero siempre terminó demasiado pronto. < / 3

Eras mi persona favorita nunca. Aún así son, por lo que puedo decir. La libertad ha sido bueno, pero te extraño más y más cada día. Todavía me preocupo mucho de ti ... Todavía sueño con el oso que me diste. Mi número favorito sigue siendo 26. El día de nuestro aniversario. Sigo escuchando a nuestra canción todas las noches. Tengo más de un año. Sigo orando por ti en mi lista de la gente sobre el cuidado i. Todavía pienso y sueño contigo. Y deseo que usted sabía. Es la verdad. Te quiero Andrew James Zaug, espero que siempre lo hago. < / 3

ps. the weekends very busy.. :\
ps again. google translator is very bad. thanks, BMP. :)
ps one more time. Does the p or s repeat when you add ps'?

A New Post for Megan

:P
So, yeah.
Lately, i've been wondering what to do.
(Side note, BJS is online, and i wasn't sure
If i wanted to IM him and be annoying or not.
Guess who just IMed ME? That kid. ;) )
I thought BJS was over me, but idk now.
And, that's got me second-guessing
My decision with AJZ.
That's what i've been thinking lately.
Oh, boy.
I've been crying again because i feel
Like i can't talk to AJZ anymore.
I called him, and he didn't pick up.
He texted me the next morning saying he
Passed out last night he was so tired.
Oh well. But, i feel like i can't talk to him.
It hurts.
And, BJS is so iffy. Idk...
And, Bob is a possible option. ;)
But, right now, i'm off to musical in
A few hours, which should be fun. :D

Funny, isn't it?

You liked me.
I said friends.
Time goes by.
Like, only a week though.
I like you now.
YOU WON'T FREAKIN ANSWER ME!
And now i feel annoying sending so many messages...
Grr.
What's a girl suppose to do?
You're making me act funny.
Just tell me if you don't like me
And we can get over this awkwardness
And make an epic friendship.
You're cool.
You're just not one to respond to things.
I once wasted 6 months on a guy like that,
But he said he liked me.
You, i have no idea anymore.
Do feelings just drop in a week?
I'm so confused.
You wanted to date, now what?
Just, tell me you're just busy.
Tell me you wanna talk to.
Answer me, somehow, someway.
I don't care if you send me a 'k'.
Just let me know.
Or i'll stop trying.
You're so amazing,
But i'm not going to have another
Nathaniel sinerio.
We live in a world of constant fixes.
I will fix this if you don't act.
I can flaunt my shit like it's nobody's business,
I could be over you so fast, you don't know.
I just.....wanna be friends.
You said you wanted time to talk.
Why the HELL else would i get on Facebook
FOR HOURS EVERY NIGHT.
Not once have you been on.
I...i'm starting to really like you,
But...relationship's are two-way streets.
I feel like i'm alone in a one-way right now.
I'd never say "my way or the highway"
But i'd like to talk to you again.
Hug you. See you.
And for the record, i'm not easily disgusted.
Grr.

Just Don't Know

So, you obviously super liked me.
Not even a week ago you wanted to date.
Or at least rush into a relastionship.
Now, i barely saw you on Sunday
(You were 'smelly' and had homework in your words).
I personally don't care.
I wanted to see you.
Because something's changed inside me.
I...I like you too.
I said it.
I like you a LOT more than i originally planned.
And, for a while, i was golden.
I was going to see you Sunday, and it would be fun.
Along with seeing the epic ~<3~
And, you having your parents over wasn't a problem.
More fun time with ~<3~ and KS.
But, then at quittich i figured you'd flitatiously look at me.
You didn't. But, that's alright. That game was
I-N-T-E-N-S-E. Haha.
Then, after i wanted to give you a hug but you were
Taking stuff away and with M. Who's last name idk.
And i'm not sure if M likes me, because i made an
Iffy impression at the WSR show UNI came to. :\
So upon hanging out i called him.
He said he was smelly and had homework.
It sounded sorta like he wanted to but, couldn't.
At the end of the 3 minnute convo, he said to stop
By his room before leaving if i wanted.
I wanted to.
We did.
It was nice seeing you, but you still seemed off. :\
Now, i haven't talked to you since.
I mean, it's beem only a few days,
But i just IMed you on Fb...20 minutes ago.
I'm guessing you left you FB up in someone's room again,
But i really wanted to talk to you.
I really like him.
I'll say it. So what?
Now i'm becoming that girl that over-analyzes everything
And worries too much.
And right now? I just don't know...