13 Little Blue Envelops.

I just finished reading this book.
It was really good but, i feel lost.
I get so caught up in reading books it all
Feels so real to me.
This book didn't have a clear ending.
Or a hinting of what she would do.
It just, ended.
It had closure but, did it really?
And yes, i know it is just a silly book but still.
Did she find love or did she leave it all behind? :/
I feel so lost.

Yesterday, alex came to my solo.
The only waverly person to.
Because i didn't want people to,
So i didn't tell them.
I was a bit suprised when i walked in he was there.
I still don't know how i feel about him.
I think he's getting the hint though...

That is how i feel about everything.
I just don't know. Still.
Tomorrow i go to allstate to cheer on my best friend.
But, at the same time, i'm worried.
I remember being like she is with that brandon guy from uni.
I don't want her to get hurt like i did.
(Because as we all know now, he's a giant jerk :P )

Seeing you yesterday, i felt nothing.
Are you happy now?
I pass you and i dont' even remember you were once my
Best friend.
When left to my own devices i've done just fine.
I have other friends, i'll be ok.
I hope you will be, too.
And just so it's not a total shock,
I bought tickets to see the jville musical (and dinner..)
I still have friends at that school that are in it.
I'm going Friday...I'm sure you'll do great. :)

I've decided to take the AP Exam.
Not until i decided to spend all that money did i realize.
I know nothing about our government.
Anyone who knows anything should help me out. :)
Hint...hint.... :)

Well....today is sunday.
I hope you are all doing good.
If you still read this, props to you.
I mainly post to record how i feel anymore.
But none-the-less, enjoy your day! :)

I didn't know.

Friday i was at play practice.
Some people where talking about
Mitch going to get something.....
And that's when i realized.
Nathaniel was in town.
Basically since i've gotten texting
We've been texting, but the past
Few weeks i had been busy so i didn't
Know he was coming home.
My first instinct was go run and give him
A really big hug.
Instead, i turned my face away hoping he
Didnt' see me.
I don't know why i did that.
I started to shake and sweat and i couldn't breathe.
Why were these things happening?
I was so confused.
He kept doing stuff but eventually i got to talk to him.
Everything i've been holding in for over two years.
I haven't seen him in over a year and a half.
It was so nice seeing him...i...just.........

That night i saw the variety show.
It was most excellent, but
Basketball boy was apparently having a party
After the show at his house.
Over ten people asked me if i was going to it.
So i went with a friend..
Only to find out it was (to my knowledge)
Rigged so it was just us.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. interesting.
It was slightly awkward but i got over it.
He IS awkward. xP
Which is why i'm not sure how much i really like him.
This all comes at a bad time.
Because as i previously noted, mitch was home.

The next morning was set constuction.
Mitch came to it and it was a good time.
I.......i..........i..........yeah.
This is why i waited so long to post this.
Everyone will be mad.
No one understands.
blah blah blah.
I don't know about Alex. He is new to me
And i can't figure him out at all.
I dreamed about mitch last night.
He dreamed about me.
I'm so confused right now.
Everytime i think 'this time.'
'This time when i see Alex, it will feel right'.
It never does.
I'm never comfortable around him.
But from what i hear EVERYWHERE else..
He's so into me.
He deserves a shot.
But....right now?
I can't stop thinking about mitch.
I find this to be the weirdest thing ever.
How is that even possible?
And...i...guess....
I just don't know. :/

Dreams.

Ever since that first night of state baskatball
On tuesday, i've been texting him a lot.
We've texted daily since i got his number.
But ever since tuesday, i've been having dreams.
And he is always in them!
Lasts nights was no exception.
They lost the state championship by
TWO POINTS! But it was an amazing game and
I think they are winners still.
(Because i kinda got into caring about basketball).
They were coming home from the game but i was so tired
I just couldn't stay up to text him.
So i went to bed.
I dreamed we were all at the Jr. High
At a welcome back party for the team.
I was avoiding going to find him because i was nervous
About seeing him, but i eventually went looking for him.
Sadly, the team was already in the 'locker room'.
It was weird. All i wanted to do was see him.
It's how i feel in real life too.
I've never hugged him in real life.
But i find myself doing it in dreams.
And wanting to in life.

And while we're on the subject.
I basically had ajz say he missed my last night.
And i said i didn't know what i wanted right now.
All i know is i don't want him anymore.
He's a bad person. I still feel motherly
Protective over him, but not much else.
I was freaking out when he texted me
"So, i miss you".
But then the literal boy of my dreams texted me.
I got instantly happier.
And despite things people say about him,
People still want me to date him.
And, for now, i just want to see him.
And hug him. :)
We'll find out tomorrow......... :D

Bam.

I finally did it.
I got down on one knee,
And asked her to prom. :)
Haha, i'm happy she'll be there.
She's like my other half.

In other news...
I still really like him.
But i can't go to the game tomorrow
Because i'll be at speech D:
I hope to watch them on TV.
It would be nice. :D
I want to talk to him.
Like...we text a lot but..
In person would be nice. :P

Also. The game yesterday??
FUCKINGAMAZINGOHMYGOD!!! :D
The ally-oop? YES!
I was sitting right behind it,
I wanted to win SO BAD!
Check my face out in the pic!

----> Check the bottom left corner >.<
http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=206729256004605&set=a.206729159337948.55266.100000025970461&theater

Yeah ;)

Ok, First off i understand you.
I can't quite say i've changed, but it's cool.
I will always smile and wave, because i care
About you as a friend.
Take some time off, i'll be ok.
I'm here if you ever need someone else. :)
I was never sure how to balence the different
Friend gropus i'm in, but that's whatever.
You are a great friend, i'm happy for you. :)

But, on a different note.....
I really, really like him. :D
He got on the court yesterday and looked right to me
And smile. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Then, we proceeded to text on the entire bus ride home.
He has to stay at state till they lose
Or rather, WIN the entire thing. :D
I just....something really changed yesterday.
I just like him a lot.
Everything is just so easy to talk to him.
Prom is still unclear.
Do i go with my best friend so i can have her there?
Or do i invite the boy i barely know but really enjoy?
I am uncertain.
But, i get nervous thinking about him.
Seeing him.
Thinking of seeing him. :)
I haven't felt this in quite a while.
It might have snowed last night,
But spring is in the air for sure... <3333

Ps. Yesterday was fun being with my friends at the
Game with the pep band too. :)
Love all that.

Hm.

I saw him today.
But only because he really wanted to see me.
He made it sounds like he came home for me.
I don't want to date him again,
I just feel protective over him.

Last night was nice.
Things always go wrong, but that's life.
I just...don't know anymore.
I think i like someone,
But i talk myself out of it for dumb reason.
The only thing that's dumb is me.