1 year.

I've been single for 1 year today.
September 25th.
But, last year it was on a Saturday.
And i remember Set Crew.
You were there for me when i came in, crying.
You were there for me through everything.
I cried a little yesterday.
It's so unreal.
A whole year alone?
And i'm still not over him.
I haven't kissed anyone in a year.
I miss everything.
Yesterday sucked.
But today was better.
I woke up and FINALLY
Deleted all the texts i had in my phone from Andy.
There is no hope for that anymore.
He obviously doesn't like me anymore.
And, Andrew texted me today.
About bowling.
I doubt he realized what today was.
He was never one for remembering dates.
It's been a year.
A good enough year.
A hard year.
I want to move on.
Time i have.

I just thought i'd let everyone know.
This is a monumentous weekend for me.
But, that's just me.
It's just some numbers.
365 days, so what?
I can hardly believe it.
I don't know how i feel.
Just amazed 1 year went by so fast.
So many memories.
So many things changed.
I know i'm happy, but for some reason
I keep wanting to cry.

Why hello.

I mis her. i don't know.
I just hit me.
Like, 10 seconds ago.
I miss my sister.
She hates coming home from college,
And never wants us to come down to see her.
I haven't spent more than two months with here since
She was in high school.
I don't really have a sister.
I have been on my own so much.
And now, my friends never want to hang out.
For the past two saturdays, i've hung out with my parents.
And even they are reluctant to bring me into a bar
Just so i can have food and social time.
They hand out with their friends more than i do.
What's wrong with me?
I just wanna get out of here.
Nobody cares anymore.
I sat in my house all day today,
And our heater is broken so it was 60 degrees.
And i just felt like crying all day.
I was so alone.
Even the dog didn't want me.
Ugh.
I was so cold i couldn't do homework.
I sat under a blanket all day wishing i had a life.
I feel so lost lately.
The weekend rolls around and i'm the lamest kid ever.
And i'm a senior in high school.
So much for the best part of my life...

But on the bright side,
Mail from 3 college friends is fabulous. :)

And in other words, i'm a push over.
My freshmen called me one day and asked for a ride home.
So i drove him home.
He uses me for rides,
He is probably the only person to be able to do that ever,
And he doesn't even know how special he is to me.
I'm such a creep.
Ugh.
Life...
Yeah.

So much to say.

Well, i guess it was last thursday morning,
Drew told me how he felt, and i just told him
I didn't want to date anyone. But, it sucked.
"I've liked you for a really, really long time."
"I think you're a super awesome person."
"Spending the last month of my life with you has
Been the best month of my life."
"Being with you is better than seeing Edward Sharpe live."
"I think you're super cute."
"I can't stop thinking about you."
...and so on.
He still tries to act like nothing happened,
But i wish he would leave me alone for a while.
It is just too weird he still talks to me a lot.
I just don't want that right now. That's all.

-----

Also. I've been really busy lately.
It isn't fun.
School just started, shouldn't it wait a while
BEFORE it kills me? Guess not...

-----

Life is just crazy.
Being a senior is crazy.
Going to the football game and only hearing
My class mates names being called over the loud speaker.
Kids my age are doing that football thing, and winning.
It is crazy.
I mean, i myself am a section leader!
And taking a college class! Ahh!
And i don't know why but i feel weird lately.
I think i might actaully want to go to college.
I'm taking a visit to central and simpson soon this month.
I just want to get away from Waverly.
Everything is bugging me about it.
I just want something new. Something exciting and scary.
I want the decisions to be up to me for once.
Plus, ever since my older friends went to college,
Life just hasn't been the same.
I mean, i don't wanna be that needy freaky friend,
And you've only been gone for a week,
But i really miss you.
And i don't know why.
I just find myself getting sad sometimes because i miss you so much.
It's pretty strange.
I hope you got all 3 of my letters.
I'll write more soon.
I just feel different.

I think i'm ready for change.