It's not suppose to be like this...

SO.
I give him everything.
My heart, my love, everything.
Somehow, he takes more than that.
He takes my dignity.
He talks to _ _ _ _ _ still.
He calls her cute.
He talks to her, a lot.
It really bothers me.
A LOT.
Why?
If he loves me like he claims,
Aren't i all i need?
Am i jealous?
YES I AM.
It isn't fair....
I can't be her,
But i think i'm better for him.
I have NEVER made him drop out of high school.
I have NEVER made him cry.
I have NEVER made him so mad he beat his locker up.
I have never done that one thing they did that i can't tell you all because i shouldn't even know and no it's not THAT thing...
I have ONLY love him and made him feel good.
Why does he still talk to her?
I feel like he loves her more sometimes...
And i hate it.
But i cannot escape it.

On the other hand...
Nathaniel won't leave me alone.
He wants me to go see avatar.
I'd feel like i was cheating if i did that.
I will NOT fight fire with fire.
I will tell you,
It is why i started to talk to him
Back then when i said we were talking.
Maybe ajz would get jealous.
Then i remembered when ajz said he didn't trust Nathaniel.
I don't want to hurt ajz.
Because then i'm no better than _ _ _ _ _.

If i married ajz, i would be happy.
I would rush through college and the best years
Of my life, to marry him so he is mine.
I don't want heartbreak.
I just want him.
I want him forever.

What happened?
Am i just too jealous?
It's not like i tell him not to,
I don't order him around.
I never will, but...
It's not suppose to be like this...


ps: happy 10 months...ajz...
pss: merry late christmas...