Why Am I So Dumb?

So.
It seems that everytime
I want to do something
Fun, especially with ajz,
I mess it up.
The other night,
He got home around 8:30,
And we were suppose to go out to eat,
But i was dumb and said
That i didn't want to because
It was too late.
I then proceeded to cry.
Long into the night,
As he had been home for 3 days
And i haden't seen him yet. :(
Then tonight.
He was at work, and i was
Down there for practice.
He was bowling so i
...
...
Didn't say goodbye.
And now i regret it
SO MUCH.
I miss him.
I thought he would get off early.
But, he's working until 11.
And he didn't reply to my text...
Is he mad?
I hate this.
I'm always so dumb.
I DIDN'T SAY GOODBYE!
I didn't even get a hug today.
Or say 3 words to him.
I HATE THIS.
I hate everything when
I'm not with him.
I want to be with him all the time.
But...i can't.
I'm so dumb.
It isn't fair...
Why don't i think
Before i piss off people?
Or leave?
Or say things?
Or think?
Or breathe...?

...


On a lighter note,
I'm better at bowling...